This Age is the Best
The question that comes up most often when I am catching up with a friend or talking to a new parent is this; what age has been your favorite so far? I am not sure why it’s such a popular question, but it is without a doubt the most common.
When the question is being asked by someone who knew me well pre-fatherhood (or even longer, pre-getting-my-shit-together), I feel like it comes from a place of disbelief, wondering how the hell I’m keeping my head above water. When the question comes from a new dad or mom, it comes from a place of “what age will this kid be when I finally feel like my level of parenting is good enough to not wreck their young little life.” And when the question comes from my wife, which inevitably occurs every other week, it comes from a place of reflection where she either cannot believe the new thing Nora learned or the latest twist on her bubbly personality, or it’s been an extraordinarily tough day or week and she’s dreaming of getting past it or returning to some easier time.
Regardless of who is asking the question, my response is always the same; my favorite age is right now. I am not sure why, but in my mind, every day as a parent seems a little bit better than the last, and Nora never ceases to amaze me as she develops. When Nora was born and they placed her on Meredith’s chest, that was the best age. When she was starting to nap on our chests and would crack a smile in what we thought was a dream but later turned out to be a prelude to a full diaper, that was the best age. When she started recognizing our faces and voices, that was the best age. When she slept through the night the first time, that was the best age (can I get an amen?). When her hair finally grew and got long enough to throw in some pigtails, that was the best age. When she went to her first day of preschool and returned to tell us about her friends and teacher, that was the best age.
Milestone after milestone, day after day, parenthood just keeps getting better, and at the same time more challenging. New skills bring new worries, but also new opportunities to be amazed. Transitioning to solid foods brings about choking hazards and allergy concerns, but also the freedom to try new things and have a family meal in public. Mobility is accompanied by injury, but then becomes the ability to explore and adventure as a family. Verbal development comes with the ability for your child to be a little diva or jerk at times, but it also generates moments where your daughter grabs both of her mommy’s cheeks in the morning and, unprompted, says “you look so beautiful.”
I fully anticipate this feeling will continue, where I look at my child in bewilderment that I am lucky enough to have been a part of making her. When I talk to my brother, who himself has a 13-year old daughter, he says now they go on walks and have conversations that are intelligent and inquisitive that continue to amaze him. I also realize that I am headed toward times where I don’t understand how I failed her in some ways as a dad or why she got herself into a bad situation. But in those days, will I still feel like she’s at the best age? I think so. I hope so. I believe that the reason I always feel the way I do about the present time being the best time isn’t because days aren’t hard and seasons of development don’t get more challenging, but because our experience as parents is cumulative. Our love for our children is a combination of the good and the bad, but if we can concentrate on how far we have come we can appreciate how lucky we are. So, I ask you, what age is the best?
