Let’s Talk About Race
Writing this entry in the blog is uncomfortable. I’ve written and deleted this post three times. I started this blog to be honest, genuine, and vulnerable about my life and evolution as a father. At first, I kept deleting it. I created this space to self-reflect on the issues of being a dad and how I can best prepare my daughters for what they will encounter in their lives, and is race relations something that the people visiting my blog really wanted to read? As I kept deleting and reconsidering, I concluded a conversation about race is not only essential, its even more vital at this time. With how America is structured my daughters are going to have to confront and challenge racial inequality.
Here is the deal. I am a white heterosexual male in America. I am privileged in ways that I have not even realized. The system that this nation was founded on and has shaped does not oppress me. As a matter of fact, the system was built for me by people who look like me. But I did not realize that fact at all growing up. I was raised in rural North Carolina. I love where I grew up, where my parents still live, but it’s not the place that you would plant the flag of diversity.
Through sports, school, travel, and my brother’s friends who adopted me, I was fortunate to be exposed to a lot of people that were different than me and my family. Even still, when you’re from an area of the country where people say “I don’t see color” and think it’s a positive reflection of race relations, you’re going to still be partially blind to the true story of America. As I recently discussed with a friend from college, when I got to UNC, it was embarrassing that my Black classmates knew more about the actual picture of American history because of the whitewashed version I got in high school…and that’s even with me having the benefit of being the son of a history teacher!
Let’s be honest, most white people were taught of the familial aspects of plantation life, not of the violence and suppression. We were taught of the 13th Amendment, but not of the subsequent Jim Crow continuation of discrimination. Ever hear in high school of Black Wall Street and the Tulsa Massacre? I know I didn’t. For the most part, people of my generation, and certainly the generation before, were taught a white history written by white people taught by a white teacher. We were taught the ideals and principles of the American Dream without ever being told that not everyone chases that dream along the same road with the same speed bumps.
In college I got exposed to far more perspective in my Sociology and African American Studies courses and I was able to take the responsibility of educating myself on the history surrounding emancipation and through the Civil Rights movement and the systemic racism and implicit bias that exists today. It’s hard to look at yourself and where you are in life and admit that it has been easy. Not that everything has been rainbows and butterflies, but that my stumbles have not been due to a system stacked against me because of the color of my skin.
My family has a history of challenging racism. My paternal grandfather would refuse to leave a restaurant until his Black employees had been served as well. He was a large man but had even bigger convictions. My maternal grandfather would make multiple trips to the factory in which he worked to take the Black employees through the jeers of picket lines when the white employees were on strike. Black workers were not allowed to unionize in that time, so he stepped up to ensure his coworkers did not receive increased backlash. While these stories make me proud and make me feel good, in this moment they convict me. We are in the midst of another great social justice movement, the Black Lives Matter movement. What am I doing to stand up for injustice perpetuated to my fellow Americans? What am I doing to be an example for my daughters?
The system isn’t broken; it was designed this way. And it must change. We have to first talk about the multitude of issues that exist. Racist lending policies that were a result of redlining and perpetuate segregationist ideals, school suspension rates of people of color that are disproportionate that lead to increased incarceration rates and brutality by police, hiring and wage suppression practices that keep the majority of wealth in the hands of white Americans.
Having these conversations and engaging in action is hard, especially when we have ignored that it exists. But we can’t be afraid to speak up because we are afraid to say something wrong or fail. Being wrong or failing WILL happen. It is worth the risk to have the conversation, even if it comes across incorrect. Apologize and educate yourself to be better next time.
So, yes, the system was built for me. But if we can call it out and challenge it, we can change it for the better. I am learning where I can use my identity to confront the system that disadvantages people of color. So far, my involvement has been embarrassingly peripheral, I would not be able to classify myself as an activisitor, much less an activist. But I plan on educating myself and equipping myself to be that ally.
If you feel the way I do and want to get educated and involved, here are some steps I am taking:
1. READ. There are a multitude of books available to help. A few that I have read and am reading include: So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo, The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander, How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram Kendi. There are so many more, but that’s a start.
(For an in depth read on the history of racist ideas, pick up Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram Kendi. I am only about 100 pages into the 600 page book, but so far it is detailed and fantastic).
2. Listen. Have conversations to further understand personal encounters with racial injustice but be careful not to expect your entire education to come from those conversations. It is your job to equip yourself with knowledge of the systemic racism. Do not burden Black people with the work of educating you or voluntarily teaching you how to be antiracist.
(Also, the NY Times has a terrific podcast called 1619. If reading about our history is not your thing, take the time to stream these episodes).
3. Vote Local. National elections are sexy, locally elected candidate have to listen to your voice and work for your vote. Demand that your candidate makes racial justice a focus of their platform to gain your vote. Push your mayor and city council for police reform. Start with the 8 Can’t Wait policies.
4. Support increases to the minimum wage. There are a multitude of reasons that the wealth gap is massive and increasing, but another truth is that a large portion of minimum-wage jobs are filled by people of color, and raising that wage can help address the disproportional wealth gap. In addition, if you are a business owner, hire and PROMOTE Black people and other people of color. If your management and employees do not reflect the diversity of this great nation, you will naturally only see your business decisions through a white lens.
5. Support POC-owned businesses and creative works. Help preserve financial security of people of color by how you spend your money. Also normalize creative work of people of color in your choices in television, movies, art work, books, etc.
6. Give money to organizations that support racial justice and combat oppression. There are tons of wonderful organizations that are working every day to fight for educational opportunities, police reform, equal housing opportunities, medical services, etc. Reach out to people in your community to see which local groups could use your financial support.
I want to be able to show my daughters what it looks like to live in an inclusive world, and the first step is by working on myself. “Be the change you wish to see in the world” - Ghandi
(A special thank you to the individuals that took the time to read the first few iterations of this post and gave me great feedback and suggestions on how to be more clear and respectful in the delivery of my thoughts. Love you all.)
