Quarantined Dreams
In the days we were first home from the hospital after our daughter, Nora, was born, trying to figure out nap schedules and breast feeding and all the new routines that come with being a first-time parent, I thought, I’ve got to get some advice. We had read the books, gone to the appointments, gotten the input and memorized all the cliches, but in that moment, I needed real-time information. I needed people who were living through or had just been through what I was going through to tell me if what I was thinking and feeling was normal. So, I reached out to some of my closest friends and family, got their input on what worked for them in order to try and hammer out some sort of semblance of what fatherhood was going to look like in my life.
That’s when it hit me that every dad goes through this, the panic of inexperience. There is an absolute need to get opinion after opinion so that you think you are at least trying to do everything possible to not mess up your kid. And to make sure you keep your sanity. I decided I would start gathering the information and experiences that I was going through as a dad so that others would be able to relate and hopefully feel a little bit better and grow a little bit stronger as a father.
That was two and a half years ago. Two and a half years. Two and a half years?! That’s how long I have sat on this? What the hell have I been doing for two and a half years? The idea, the dream, the need to create an outlet for my experiences as a dad, did I just put that to the side? Did it even matter that much to me?
Honestly, I just got busy. I took a new job, we moved to a different state, we bought a house, life happened. Leading up to a time of social quarantine, I had unconsciously quarantined my dreams. But these experiences do matter, and I have decided not to put them to the side any longer. I have been given the gift of time to get this off the ground, and I intend to be consistent with it going forward.
Maybe these musings will just be something I look back on and read and laugh about what an idiot I was, or maybe they will spark some conversations among people that care about me and my family that will further connect us. That’s my hope, that I will become a better father by sharing how clueless I am being a father. Enjoy and stay tuned!
