Breastfeeding Dadvice
My nipples are worthless. They’re mostly for show. Purely decorative. They developed before that Y chromosome kicked in while I was developing in my mother’s womb, rendering me completely helpless in the process of creating sustenance for my child.
Breastfeeding is hard. Really hard. Particularly with baby number one when you have no idea what to expect. They snatch the baby out of you and a couple hours later you are just expected to latch this kid onto you with neither the mom nor the child knowing what to do. Not to mention the milk doesn’t even come in for a few days after birth! What kind of messed up trickeration is that? Then there’s the constant wondering of is she getting enough milk, added to physical challenges like chapped nipples and mastitis. One day, if the boss signs off on it, I will write a blog post about our several encounters with mastitis.
As a breastfeeding by-stander, I’ve asked myself time and again what I can do to take some of the pressure and stress off of Meredith. The entire process is draining and lonely, but also an incredibly rewarding bonding experience between mother and baby. I want to help to make it as much of a positive process as possible. I so desperately wish I could help, and as you can see from the picture of Nora breasteeding her baby doll, she does too! Below are some tips, tricks, and advice I have for helping your partner.
1) Put the bassinet on your side of the bed. I can’t stress this one enough, and it’s why I have it listed at number one. Outside of complications or struggles, the quickest way for a new mother to abandon breastfeeding is to feel like she is on an island by herself. For the first several weeks to several months your child will likely be sleeping in your bedroom. If your wife is left solely responsible overnight for getting up with the baby, she will be further drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. Putting the bassinet on your side of the bed ensures that when the baby wakes up, you are the first to hear and the first to bounce into action. Make sure that you handle getting your baby up, any diaper changes necessary, taking her to your wife for feeding, and getting her settled after breastfeeding and back in her swaddle and bed.
2) Be the burper. That kid can EAT. Every three hours, not counting cluster feeding, night and day. One side, then the other. In between and at the end, take your child from your wife and get the burps. This is especially true, as mentioned above, overnight. For some reason, Meredith is rarely able to get a burp due to the angle she sits with the pillow on her lap for breastfeeding. For this reason, I always take the baby on my shoulder and walk with a little bounce in my step and pat on her back to get the burp and reduce the chance she spits up either on Meredith or in her bed if we are putting her back down.
3) Bring the positivity. Your child is going to be getting all the attention you are used to getting and spending more time than you cuddled up in your favorite places with your wife. And that’s okay. Be patient and encouraging if your wife doesn’t want to see your ugly face for a few minutes because she’s spent most of the day attached to another human being. Instead of getting jealous, be her extra set of hands. Keep her cup filled up with water that she needs to prevent dehydration, get her an extra pillow under her elbow if she needs it. Most importantly, tell her how great she is doing, because no matter how hard it gets, she’s rocking it.
4) Bath time is Dad time. This one is where you can be a little bit selfish. My insistence on being the bath-master arose after we had Nora. I didn’t take much time off after we got back from the hospital, I had dinner with some of my doctors 2 nights after we returned home and was fully back working 5 days later. This resulted in me missing a lot of the normal bonding time during the day. In order for me to take that time back I insisted on doing the baths every night. We have always bathed Nora every night due to the affect it had on her sleeping well and the fact that she tended to get milk all up in her neck rolls. So for most of her life, if I am not traveling for work, I handle bath and all that leads up to bedtime. I love it, it’s super selfish, and I don’t even care, and Meredith doesn’t care either. It gives her a much needed 30 minutes of consecutive, uninterrupted time to not have to be needed where she can listen to a podcast or wash her face or just sit down for once today.
5) It is called a nursing bra. Do NOT refer to it as a milking tank or you WILL get swung on. Apparently, this terminology makes your wife compare herself to cattle.
I hope these tips help make your journey a little less bumpy, happy breastfeeding!
Disclaimer: I want to note here that I recognize not all parents are able to breastfeed. This post is a reflection on my experience as the partner of a breastfeeder and does not aim to diminish those who choose not to breastfeed, are unable to, or may have struggles with the process.
